Monday, April 28, 2008

My Own Bee Movie

So the C-Monster and I were strolling thru our new home away from home Lowe's the other day. Quick stop to get some supplies for the latest project. We're as usual pushing the dolly loaded with lawn and garden crapola when all of the sudden this wasp decided to go all "Top Gun" on me and buzz the tower. The tower being my face/head. Note: I HATE WASPS, BEES, and pretty much anything that could sting me and cause a reaction. If you haven't ever had an epinephrine shot- take my word for it... it isn't that grand.

SO when said wasp buzzes the tower again- I freak and do some random "chick" dance in the middle of Lowe's and begin dancing around like like "Get it away from be" then the little freak start buzzing toward Cole and this Mama Bear wasn't going to let that happen so I pick up weapon from dolley which happened to be a flyer about one of our purchases and begin running after the stupid thing. Finally- I think the little terd decided to take it's wasp-ness someplace else. Elated with my victory over the wasp I assume my position to begin pushing dolly.. and realize that the cashiers, Cole and one other customer are looking at me like I've lost my ever lovin mind. I put down my weapon and say " Sorry I HATE Wasps.." they all laugh like "Clearly you freakshow.." Well Cole thinks this is really funny and began re-inacting my entire scene and flailing arms and legs and screaming in a high pitched squeal I'd never heard. He continued to do so while I checked out & when I'd paid... I commenced chasing him and re-inacting the whole thing again.. He thought that was pretty frickin funny. He laughed at me all the way out to the car and I loaded him in his car seat and pointed my old faithful VW to home...

Next thing I hear from Cole after a power drink of his sippy cup is "Ma.." Yes Cole? He squeals and starts throwing his arms, legs and head around and acting like a crazy person.. " Then he starts to laughing again.. farts really big and decides that this is all really funny.."

You know you're a real loser when your almost two year old makes fun of you and can manage to do it while farting simultaneously. Good times.

Weekend with the Folks
Well Cole and I loaded up the car and headed to the parentals this weekend. I needed some TLC and so did Cole.

It amazes me that even at 30- I still feel a great amount of comfort from being with my parents. I'm a Daddy's girl and when he tells me it's going to be okay- I believe him and I know it's finally okay to cry. You can only be strong for so long when your world is crashing down. And when Nana's safely taking care of Cole and you finally feel like you've landed in a temporary safety zone all of the stuff being suppressed or not felt because you can't do it in front of your kiddo just comes pouring out.

My Dad's pearls of wisdom.. "Sometimes Ash the only way out is through.." and I believe him. And then he bought me ice cream and remembered chocolate syrup and even offered up some caramel..

Built in Babysitters
So one of my girlfriend's knew I'd headed home for the weekend and that meant babysitters. My cell phone rang at 9:45pm. I was rolling thru the aisles of Target.. (retail therapy pickings are slim in McKinney at 9:45) Let's go out she proclaims. Out? It's bedtime. Out where? I ask... "Let's go dancing.." is her response. I happened to be rolling by home goods and stopped at a mirror. Good grief. I'm not going anywhere.. My hair was all crazy from my WWC (world wresting with Cole) match just before bed. My eyes were blood shot, and my makeup or what was left of it had run down my face. I shouldn't be in public like this I thought? But Target doesn't count. "Leslie, I shouldn't be allowed in public right now- much less - dancing... Have you met me? I have no dance moves...unless you count the sprinkler head.. "YES!" she proclaims. We haven't seen that one in long time!!

So yes- I had built in babysitters and couldn't muster up the energy to use them for anything other than Target. If only I had a built in stylist to save me from bad hair, makeup and attitude on a Saturday night at Target. I rolled over to the eye-makeup remover, passed on dancing and went home. I think there's still some ice cream waiting for me there... and the safety net that is my parents.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

In Need of Ice Cream

OK so that didn't go quite right. Hit return to start the blog and all the sudden "post" Good grief I'm new to this blogging thing people. Don't go trying to teach this old dog a new trick.

My weekend didn't go as planned
But then again they rarely do when considering a toddler and so forth. Had big plans to tote the C-man over the parentals for the weekend so that he could get some Nana & Papa lovin' and I could get some TLC from the folks and have a built in babysitter to maybe catch up with a friend or something...

But no such luck. Friday afternoon I pick up my little guy from the babysitters and I could just tell he's headed down hill. He's been fighting a cold -spurred by allergies for what seems like two weeks. Three trips to Sprouts for every natural toddler remedy and every Mom trick I know from eucalyptus oil baths to Vicks on the bottom of his feet (hey I read it in some forwarded email chain there has to be some validity right?) and I took him to the weekend/after hours portion of the pedi's office this morning to try to avoid taking a sick day tomorrow.

I have a confession: I thought when I had a kid of my own that other people's screaming kids would annoy be less. ... I do find I'm a little more tolerant and a little more understanding but for the most part it hasn't happened for me yet. I'm still annoyed by that screaming kid in the grocery store and annoyed by the screaming kid throwing his food in a restaurant and I'm really annoyed by those parents who let their kids run a-muck and never correct them.

Don't get me wrong. I've already toted by little monster out to the car b/c he decided to throw a royal hissy fit in the middle of the store and gotten up from the table at a restaurant to go have a chat with Sir Cole in the parking lot- but for the most part (knock on wood) I think many of these meltdowns are avoided by respecting a kid's schedule, lots of love and attention and being a parent instead of a friend. We can be friends sometimes for scuffle matches and chase in the backyard, but there has to be the reminder of who is in charge. Breaks my heart to discipline sometimes, but well I guess I'll keep on doing it and remind myself that I loved him enough to set boundaries. Sure doesn't make it easy to be friends with the other Moms in the waiting room though.

Little terd came up and started messing with Cole and I kept waiting for the other Mom to put down the "Us Weekly" and reel her kid in. When it didn't happen-well I picked Cole up and parked us at the other end of the waiting room and finally received a "whatever" response from said mother. I rest my case. What's it like to be cool and popular? I'm afraid I've never known? I did get the nod of approval from one other mom in the waiting room. Maybe there's hope for me after all....

WOW! I think I sound a little bitter
There aren't a lot of colors that look good on me with hair this color- but that one didn't look good at all huh?

Moving on

Cole's asleep and I checked the email and set up my out of office reminder for work tomorrow. Can't send the little guy to the sitters...had to put him on some antibiotics and I"ll need to call the regular pedi tomorrow. Sometimes it's a little nice when he's under the weather.. he likes a few more hugs and more Mom time. Thank God I have an understanding boss and client and I've been with my Company long enough that I've got some good PTO time.

God takes care of me in every way. Sometimes I feel as though I take it a little for granted.

Red Neck

Seriously. So when the kiddo is sick and you find yourself on lock down... well you face some of those tasks you may have been putting off. Mine was yard work. Saturday after putting Cole down for his nap I wandered out into the yard with my MP3 player, jug o water, and my video monitor. My mission was to trim the hedges and take up the landscaping border in my yard that has been torn apart by the lawn dude's weed wacker. I had my test run with a small dose of landscaping stones in the back yard last week. I felt ready to play with the big boys and tackle the front yard.

Upon setting up my scene-my favorite neighbors were out doing their yard work too. Herb and Gayla. The rest of the neighbors hate em because they are empty nesters who are always having parties and much to the demise of my little burb aren't married but "living together" Truth be told- I may not agree with the living situation but I don't feel it my place to judge.. I leave that to the Big Guy and the rest of the neighbors don't like them because when they have said parties it limits the kid's play in the cul-de-sac. Quite the neighborhood drama and I get to be Switzerland because I have a kid, but I love Herb and Gayla. I try to do the neutral thing and let them park cars in my driveway etc., and let Herb's kids know that they are hacking off the neighbors when they are having a blowout while Herb and Gayla are on a trip....(this usually happens right before the cops are called..) I tell you good times here on Sunny Point Court!

So Herb is in the process of ripping out shrubbery because Gayla is going to totally redo the front yard... SO I get to trimming, we start yacking and all is good. I casually say- Herb can you get this two little shrubs out for me over here while you're at it and PRESTO they are gone (well he did the digging and I did the pulling...) After we survey our work Gayla offers up a round of beer and we sit on the curb and catch up on the neighborhood gossip.

Sir Cole waking up from his nap reminds us that it's time to call it a day... I come in to get him and after changing his diaper walk by the mirror and notice my lovely sun burn. Red neck- v-neck t-shirt on and I'm just looking lovely... good times.

But even with my red neck and sore back and slightly uneven hedges...they all just remind me that life isn't perfect and neither am I. Sometimes all we have is a Saturday afternoon beer and a kid with green snot who loves us unconditionally.

Sunday Slate Cleaning
A family member of mine who shall remain nameless use to say " It's Sunday-Time to go get the slate wiped clean.." Well I didn't wipe mine clean today.. see above rant about parenting. I'll probably need to delete that tomorrow...

But while waiting on-line for dr's office Cole & I killed some more time at Lowe's and booked some babysitters (the bestest babysitters) to come hang with C-man while I filled his Prescriptions and he napped. Also gave me a chance to finish up priming my front yard and putting down the most recent load of landscaping stuff (I only have a VW folks those things are heavy!!) And as I filled in holes left my baby shrubs and pulled remaining roots etc., I thought this is really symbolic. I hate doing this crap- but here I am..

In those recent holes? I'm planting Hydrangea's... I need some color!! The interesting thing about Hydrangea's? You don't know what color they will bloom because it depends on the PH of your soil. Go figure. A whole new something to look forward to in July when they bloom.

OK. Well it's time for this redneck to go soak in a bath... read a devotional and watch a little TiVo'd stupidness.


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Harder Right? or Easier Wrong

The day is done. Good times. Sometimes you've just done all you can do. So I find myself at the computer before I retire to watch an hour of TiVo'd stupidness, and don't have any perils of wisdom today.

Harder Right or Easier Wrong?
So the Company I work for has a Company Constitution. I suppose most companies do. But this is one of the Code of Ethics... that the Company's professionals will choose the harder right over the easier wrong.

Now when one is 22 when they go to work for a Company this makes perfect sense. Eight (almost nine years later) I still ask myself this question when I find myself questioned by what is the right thing to do? Admit that it's not done and I don't know when the deal will be signed? or dodge the call? Call someone as soon as I receive bad news & receive verbal lashing or sit on it? Now this seems like common sense I realize. Our parents teach us right and wrong, but I would venture to say we ask ourselves this question at some point during our day fairly often. I type this random thought (see title of blog) and trust me- I ain't a saint (note to self :don't invite English teaching brother to read Blog) I don't always get it right...

I've found being a parent and now being a parent of an extremely strong willed and energetic toddler- I ask myself this question more often than usual outside of my office.

Mom's Little Spit Fire
For example tonite, I couldn't seem to do anything right to please my little guy. Dinner was all wrong. He's trying so hard to use utensils that sometimes he just gets P-E-A-V-ED if he can't load said fork or spoon. And suddenly it's all my fault. My little man is uber independent- he can do it all by himself. Mom is so yesterday. He didn't eat much and instead of beating myself up trying to get something down the kid- I've subscribed to "If he's hungry he'll eat..."

"Cole lets read a book." That always gets a head turn. "B-O-A-P" he confirms. "Book" I say. We're off to find just the right b-o-a-p in his room. Tonite it's "Bad Dog Marley" I ask if he would like me to read it to him.. "Yes he says...but I already know the ground rules. He must turn the pages. I think we've got the routine confirmed and suddenly we're having a toddler meltdown. Apparently- I didn't get the memo tonite. I'm not suppose to read the book and let him turn the pages. He's going to read it to me in jibberish AND turn the pages... but the rules changed again and suddenly to book is chucked on the ground defiantly.... and here's the moment...
harder right or easier wrong. I actually had to think about it. Man it would be easier to give him the book or make it all better... but the book chucking was just all kinds of wrong.

There the little demon stood. Staring me down "whatcha gonna do about it..." and there I sat staring him down like "no you didn't" " No Cole.. No throw!!! " I picked up Bad Dog Marley.. said "Cole we don't treat our things that way.." and walked away. Ignoring my little spit fire sets him off quicker than anything...

Save the Drama for your Mama
Cole throws himself on the ground... and begins throwing his tantrum. And when he realizes that it's gotten no reaction he usually picks himself up off the ground and sniveling (for effect) follows me... "Ma.." ..." Ma..." "Ma..." Kiddo I invented the temper tantrum. I know the rules. Just wait. One day when you're older- I'll do as your Nana did and throw a cup of water on you for that crap (is what I'm saying in my head)

"Are you done?" I ask. He shakes his head up and down. "What you did was wrong.." Another head shake.. "Are you sorry?" "Yes" he says

We're on to chase now, and after we've exhausted TOGO the dog it's time for bath and prayers and bed... and as I carry him to bed and say "Nite nite - love you- I'll be here when you wake up.." He stands up in his crib and says "Ma.." ... "Yes Cole?" and he reaches his arms up to give me another hug. All is right with my world.

And I remind myself again maybe I don't win every battle of toddler parenting or future parenting or being a working mom..but I might just win the war.

Jesus on Speed Dial
So on a grown up level- Today was a rough day. Not a banner day. A day you manage to make it through as you muddle through life events. Jesus was on speed dial today. In the car. At the office. In my head. And he answered in every way because I made it thru this day.. and maybe found a little peace along the way. A quote I love "But patience is when God-or something-makes the now a little roomier"

Maybe I'm learning something in my walk after all.

AND FOR THE BIG FINALE... I parted with my old laptop at work HP Puter I (RIP)... I made it thru IT re-imaging (all files were recovered) and have a new buddy. I so deem him HP Puter II. I'll call him Pute. This afternoon he was puting fabulously. I'll keep you posted as to how our relationship progresses. I had to let him spend his first nite at the office.. he's still working on his Image..

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Hello Tuesday!!

It's going to be a bright- sunshiney day. Or not. You decide. I'm digging myself out of the work back log that comes from the chucking of the blackberry and the resistance of plugging in my laptop since Thursday. But I have a little clarity on the personal life, and my kiddo is feeling a little better I hope

Good Morning Sunshine!!!
Cole's usual wake up routine- except he wasn't waiting for me this morning. He opened one eye looked at me and said "No Ma" and rolled over. His allergies are crazy right now and he was not feeling rolling out of his crib this morning.... Finally after some serious prodding he threw Joey (his stuffed dog) over the crib and stood up for me to help him out. Hair is as usual sticking up everywhere and he started getting perky. He picked up Joey- gave me the obligatory hug and was off to find Togo. I knew he'd meet me at the fridge for his juice.

We jammed to the babysitters with a little Dave Matthews "Old Dirt Road" and said our car prayer. He was ready to see his friends... after my daily stop at Starbucks for my coffee refill I made it to the office.

Quiet Time
I don't think I can ever invite someone I work with to read my Blog- but I've found that I'm more productive if I spend 15-20 minutes before I start my day - in quiet reflection. Today my thoughts are of a quote in a book I'm reading... The author is asking a Pastor what Grace means.. and the Pastor described it something like this:

"Imagine you're on the shelf of a pawn shop. Old,
dusty, worn and abused. And Jesus comes in and tells the pawnbroker- let
her go outside- I'll take her place.."

So knowing that I've sinned & my entire Christian life I've been taught that our sins will be washed clean if we just ask for it and follow Jesus. Why do I not feel worthy of this Grace?

Monday, April 14, 2008

And so it begins

So here I am. Monday nite. PJs and I've put my kiddo to bed. We had an awesome day. I took the day off to be with him. I love those days. He woke up this morning.. late which is even more awesome since I'm off and his hair was all crazy.

"Good morning sunshine!!!" That's how I wake him up every day.

"Hi Ma" he smiles and begins dancing the jig in his crib. As I pick him up he looks at his dresser and points to proclaim "I want Boap" - Cole we'll read one of your books a little later I assure him. Like his mother with coffee- Cole needs juice fairly soon after stumbling out of bed. He power drinks it from his blue sippy looks at me, smiles and says "ahhh"" and in typical guy format takes the back of his chubby hand and wipes his mouth..

"Where's Togo?" he mumbles... I think Togo is still asleep Cole...

"T-O-G-O!!!" Cole bellows and he's off to find his partner in crime- Tobie the dog.

This morning. This random morning in which I awoke feeling tired and anxious and not knowing what the heck to do with my life- I think to myself.. it doesn't get much better than this. I chucked my blackberry and said to hell with it. I pick up his blue, holly wubbie and his Joey dog off the kitchen floor(smell them because I love the way they smell)- tie up my hair and start making Sir Cole's breakfast. This morning it's scrambled eggs, waffle (whole wheat because I'm that kind of freak show) and strawberries. After harrassing Tobie and surveying his kingdom- Cole usually assumes his perch on my kitchen counter (don't tell my Peditrician) and we begin cooking.

Our big plans for the day: Lowe's!!! Cole Loves him some Lowe's and I am going to attempt to put down some new landscaping stones today. Though I am a working woman- there is some sort of satisfaction I find from entering Lowe's-finding something all by myself- buying something heavy and loading it in my car. It's as if to say "Hello world- not only can I support myself- I can fix crap!!!" sort of. ... I also bought fertilizer and scouted out the custom order doors... baby steps here. Cole helped me push the dolly thru the store and when we got everything loaded up and I broke a sweat he looked at me.. raised his one arm and said " I did it..." You sure did little man. And as I close this- my first ever blog in which I set up a page all by myself and pushed the dolly at Lowe's sans man (besides my little one) for the first time in six years... I too am saying " I did it.." I took a step forward and am slowly...cautiously... going to press "post" and begin this ever so boring blog of my life and what I make of it..on my own.