The Turning Point....Part 1

So I started a series of blog posts- but in typical me style,I have been distracted and preoccupied and it's time for me to refocus. Blogging is something that, I've put out there and it's a very healing/growing process for me to realize where I'm going and where I've been. So let's keep telling the story of Marketing Boy aka Jay.

So I'll fast forward a few dates. I can't be boring people with the details... After the next couple of dates Marketing Boy suggested we only date each other...I agreed, but I really wasn't looking for anything serious. I loved the time we spent together. He taught me how to run. We enjoyed doing things together. I was happy and content for the first time in a very long time. I was in no way focused on where anything was going or any of that stuff. Life had been hard- I just wanted to coast.

History
To tell you about the turning point- I need to rewind and tell you a little bit of history.. Rewind to August 2006. I was married to Cole's Dad... and 8 mos. pregnant. Cole's Dad was in the middle of Paramedic school. Working 24 hour shifts had already begun. I wasn't super stoked about being hugely pregnant and alone at night but hey.. it was the right career for him and relationships are about compromise. Cole's Dad was working. I'd finally gotten the position of the body pillow just right, & dosed off to sleep when I am awakened to this screeching beep... *BEEP* I look at the clock.. 1AM.. *sigh* Put pillow over my head.. try to go back to sleep.. *BEEP* BEEP* BEEP*.. I roll out of bed.. Waddle into the living room where I've identified the shrill beep coming from.. it's the smoke detector. Me- 5'5" and pregnant... up against the smoke detector positioned on the 16 foot ceiling. The 14' ladder was in my neighbor's storage shed (we have that kind of neighborly relationship) I was contemplating going over there and getting it but sanity checked in and I realized I probably shouldn't be scaling the 14 foot ladder this pregnant.

There was nothing left to do but go back to bed. *BEEP*

The next morning I managed to get ready for work. I was waddling out the door when the hubby showed up after a long 24 hour shift. You always feel bad asking for anything when someone has worked for 24 hours straight.... But I knew he'd need a nap-and the smoke detector might prove a nuisance for him as well- So I told him the smoke detector was acting up, it had beeped all night and that it probably needed a replacement battery. He said "ok" and I left for work. When I came home that evening I asked if he had gotten a chance to change the battery and he told me that it hadn't beeped all day.. I said "ok..but would you please change it during your 48hrs off..because it will start beeping again..and I don't think I should get the ladder out and take care of it this pregnant" "No problem" he said.. I'll take care of it.."

Fast forward a night. Another 24 hour shift and it's just me and my belly. Again, I'm awakened to *BEEP* *BEEP* .. I roll out of bed. Stupid smoke detector again. I call Cole's Dad thinking this isn't the battery thing.. "Oh I forgot to change it.. and I thought you might have been hallucinating.." Never mind I mumbled. I went out in the garage.. I didn't have the big ladder in order to actually change the battery- but I had the smaller one one.. and I had a broom stick...I drug the ladder in the house.

I climbed up to the very top.. extended my very pregnant body.. and began beating the living crap out of the stupid smoke detector with the broom stick. I nearly fell off the ladder. But I managed to take out the smoke detector and waddle back to bed.

Reading this I realize I probably sound like a spoiled princess and like I'm throwing my ex under the bus, but that's really not my point. He had a lot on his plate and I remain completely proud of him and his courage to pursue such a big career change. Trust me when I say, he's the type of person that is suited for it. And it's not that any other time I wouldn't have been just fine changing the battery of the smoke detector. But in relationships, I've learned, sometimes you do things to take care of the other person. Otherwise, it just never works.

My Life is A Snow Globe

That's how my life feels right now. Like a snow globe. I'm one of those little plastic people trapped in a little world. Occasionally I wonder up, tap on the glass and proclaim "It's time to get the heck out of here."

I was pretty okay with single mom life. I had a little routine. Cole and I handled the transition okay.. and now someone picked up the snow globe and shook it. I mean hard. While life changes are new and exciting- they are also stressful and complicated. I can't even find the time to blog about how I got to my current state of feeling like I reside in a snow globe and it's a pretty good story in itself.

My house is on the market. It's very violating having people traipse in and out of your home criticizing and such. I'm getting closer by the day to having someone buy it and that terrifies me. I have no idea where I'm going to live or where my kid is going to go to preschool for that matter.. I'm suppose to be uber confident in this huge leap of faith and instead I find myself hanging out in my snow globe..where occasionally someone picks me up and shakes me. Snow globes are volatile. You put yourself on a shelf- available for the shaking. The rattling of the cage if you will.

Here's what I'm learning about life in the snow globe. It's largely about Faith. Faith in the prayers you've said that haven't been answered. Faith in the people who surround you in your little world and Faith that at some point, you'll get yourself out of the globe.. and everything and everyone will stop shaking. Life will be peaceful again. Until then though, and here's the hard part, you have to have Faith that you're in the right hands.

Holla! (Cough, Sneeze- stress doesn't do good things for your immune system either)