Thoughts on the Road

Thoughts from the Road

I don't talk much about what I do.. probably because a long time ago I came to the realization that it's what I do, it's not who I am. To summarize I am a site acquisition girl for a national retailer. Simply put: that means that when you see a store for the retailer I represent- I'm part of the team that found the site, negotiated the deal, the lease and managed the general transaction. If real estate were a circus, I'd be the clown juggling all the balls. The balls being the parties to a deal: Lawyers, brokers, clients, and landlords. I make sure everyone stays warm and fuzzy until we open a door and commence selling our product. Essentially, I'm an overpaid babysitter to grown men.

Most of my work is done from an office or I can day trip to cover my splendid territory that is Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana, and Oklahoma. I wish I got to go cool places like Boston, San Francisco, or New York- but I get to figure out how to get to places like Natchitoches, Louisiana and the Rio Grande Valley of Texas..good times. Sometimes my travels are solo missions and sometimes I'm traveling with my team and find myself in the back of a TrailBlazer, a party to some interesting conversations. Here are some of my deep thoughts for the trip this week:

1. It has been proven that on average men speak 15,000 words per day, while women speak 30,000 words per day. I think this theory is a load of crap. The guys I work with talk way more than I ever thought about talking. I respect the members of my team, but sometimes I wonder if their ego drives them to talk as much as they do and have told them I thought this...they usually laugh at me.
2. I feel fortunate that the guys I work with find decent potty stops for me and don't make me use nasty gas station bathrooms, but if necessary I'll hang at the gas station with lots of anti bacterial goodness once I get to the car..
3. Politics. Never talk politics in a car on a two lane highway in the middle of no where Texas. I'm not extremely conservative nor am I extremely liberal, but the conversation of my co-workers made my blood boil. I have some strong opinions about this election and sometimes I feel that uber conservative beliefs are nothing more than sticking your head in the sand and being resistant to change. Do your research and decide and respect every person's opinion and/or vote. Blanket "Liberals are idiots" statements aren't really necessary are they?
4. Hunting and deep sea fishing - I've got nothing to contribute to this conversation.
5. Women are crazy conversations. Have I really become so much of one of the guys that I get to be party to these conversations?
6. Sports- I pay attention to sports so I can keep up with the conversation when necessary
7. Cars- I can keep up with this conversation, but really, I'm starting to find some validation in the fact that men who drive sports cars are compensating for something...unless you're retired and it's all about the fun factor..then it's okay.

Perhaps the best conversation of the trip is the "good ole day" conversation. The 80s when Real Estate was booming. My client was a developer and living the good life. Big house. More money then he could spend. Leveraged to the hilt. The broker I work with, his Dad was a big developer..same story. Both of them lost it all in the real estate bust. They spoke of how it was really ridiculous, the life of excess.. the "things" and the "status" that consumed them. That is was really God intervening in their life bringing them back to center when they lost it all and had to start again...meaning that had to live a much more humble existence. My client is one of the most Godly men I know and now lives a very modest life. The broker I work with confessed that he just wants a simple life.

I reflected.. I'm so glad my family, my life, hasn't been about keeping up with the "image." I haven't had a life of ridiculous excess... I gave up apologizing for my working class roots a very long time ago and I've decided that it's usually the really insecure people in the world that need to boast about "things" or "money" or "status." My family taught me the value of hard work and gave me every opportunity, but really strived to focus on people rather than things. I'm glad I can sit quietly in the back seat of the TrailBlazer on mute and not get my 30,000 word quota in. You learn to be thankful for your simple existence.

Gifts from Cole

Cole missed me. Which is nice, but being a two year old he shows me he missed me by punishing me with tantrums and melodrama..I was still glad to see my little man after being stuck in what felt like "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" on repeat. We ate dinner. We went outside to play..where Cole gave me several gifts. Two leaves and a handful of rocks that he was calling "cookies"

But the best gift from Cole was at bath time. I ran the bath and put Eucalyptus oil in my little man's bath because his allergies are bothering him.. and some bubbles. As we sat and talked he said "Mommy?" he then proceeded to grab his man part and make his own fountain... I had to duck to keep from feeling the spray. "Potty Mommy..." "Wow!!!"" I'm officially in boy overload..

After cleaning up and getting Cole to bed, I took my own bubble bath, did some laundry, and climbed into bed. I needed to refill my estrogen container after the last couple of days..so I watched my TiVo'd Dancing with the Stars.. did some praying and found myself really looking forward to some shopping with my girlfriends..

Down to One

So "Down to One" is a good song by the great Melissa Etheridge. One of the best lines of the song is "sooner or later we all end up walking alone.." I've found myself thinking a lot about this. It's so true.

If, at some point, we're all alone.. I guess we better learn to love the one we're with. Right? I consider myself fairly lucky in that I enjoy my own company. I didn't always, but I'm thankful that after college and before I married.. I lived alone for nearly three years. It was during this time that I learned to tackle some ridiculous issues with doing things on my own. I lived alone with my dog "Sophie." I went to church alone. I went to movies alone. I went shopping alone. I worked out alone. The ultimate step in my "graduation" when I was a twenty something single girl was to sit at a table in a restaurant by myself and eat a meal...alone. I was reminded how far I've come this week, when between an appointment and a meeting, I pulled into my favorite salad dive and enjoyed my lunch on the patio, under the trees all by myself and loved every minute of it. I was thinking "I should have a date with myself more often.." This is nice. I read a chapter of a book. Turned off my Blackberry and just enjoyed the weather and my own company. I'm pretty decent company.

The point, I guess, is I'm so glad I had those years on my own. I think time like that gives us security that we can be alone, and if we chose not to be alone then that's huge. You can enter into relationship because you want to, not because you feel like you have to in order to avoid your own company.

When I first moved into my little apartment post college by myself. I HATED it. It was horrible. I'd just broken up with a long term boyfriend and here I was in this dumpy one bedroom apartment working my first real job, struggling to make ends meet. After a while I embraced it. I adopted Sophie. I decorated it. It was mine. I did what I wanted to, when I wanted to. I learned to do those things by myself. I learned to be good at my job. I made some great friends. I grew up. And when I got married and moved out of that dumpy apartment... I sort of grieved the loss of my single self. It happened on moving day. The family had gone ahead with the U-Haul to the house we were moving into. I'd stayed behind to clean up the apartment a little bit... my gal pal Rhonda had taken a load of the misc crap down to the car... I was alone in my little apartment. I just became sort of overcome. I started crying about the time my cell phone started ringing... it was my Dad.. "Ash where do you want me to put this..." He was calling to ask. He could tell I was crying. "What are you crying for?" He asked... " I don't know Daddy.." I replied. He said " I know what it is.. you don't want to leave that apartment because it's who you were before you got married..and it was yours.. now where am I putting this table?" That's so my Dad. He just throws the profound out there and moves on along before you have time to blink.. But he was right.

Time alone makes us who we are. So that we can be better when the right relationship does come along. It gives us perspective so we don't feel like we have to settle.

I have to give a shout out to one of my best girlfriends this week. One of the women who showed me how to embrace living alone. Because she's so comfortable in her own skin, she sent a seemingly nice (although a little aggressive) guy packing. You know who you are...I'm talking to you and I'm on your side. Glad you're not settling to avoid being alone. I'm proud of you.

OK that's all I've got. I'm done with my salad for lunch. I've typed this blog and it's time to get back to it. Holla!