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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

We're Women

So lately, I've been thinking a lot about the roles of women. As I look at my own life, I realize I'm surrounded by strong women. I am a working mom so a lot of my friends are career ladies, and lots of them have chosen not to make work their focus.

I often wonder if there is a direct correlation in female empowerment and the astounding divorce rate in America. But then I think about how many women in generations before stayed in abusive, destructive relationships because they had no other choice and wonder if empowerment, education and careers are really such a bad thing... focus Ashley.

As a woman today, you'll likely wear many hats. Wife, mother, daughter, sister, Christ Follower, Friend... to name a few. My favorite stories in life are often of women who were knocked down and hit rock bottom, only to pick themselves up and make an impact. While there is a lot of mindless reading that fills my bookshelves (Yes the Twilight Saga is part of that), in my night stand there is a different sort of stack: Anne Lamott, my Bible, The Message... to name a few.. and every night after I tuck Cole away, if I'm feeling a little lost or discouraged by all of these roles or hats that have to be worn, I seek a cup of comfort in my not so mindless reading.

Tonight, I dug a little further back and dusted it off from my bookshelf: Iyanla VanZant was an author I discovered in college. When I googled her tonight, she's taken her message way beyond a series of books and I'm not sure how I feel about that... However, her story is a sad one: Abuse,teen pregnancy, more abuse, divorce, welfare... She applied for a series of grants and completed college and law school with three children in tow. She believes that the other parts of your life aren't going to flourish until your spiritual house is in order. Many people would consider her and Anne Lamott a little "new agey" but I'm of the mindset that until I meet my Maker on my day of judgement, I am not going to judge any one's walk with Christ while I'm here on Earth. I just want to learn from it? Back to Iyanla.. At the beginning of her book, "Yesterday I Cried" is a very moving poem. I read it aloud to myself when I'm really feeling blue.. Sometimes great writing is about sharing/introducing people to someone else's and while this blog is by no means great writing... This poem is:

Yesterday I cried.
I came home, went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed, kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra and had myself a good cry.
I'm telling you,
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand, I had myself a really good cry yesterday.
Yesterday, I cried
for all the days I was too busy, or too tired or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days and all the ways and all the times I had been dishonored, disrespected, and disconnected my Self from myself, only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others did to me the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had been given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things i had accomplished, only to give them away, to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty, and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when the only thing left for you to do is cry.
Yesterday I cried.
.......
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because the hurt had no place to go except deeper in the pain that caused it in the first place, and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late. I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know that my soul knew everything I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday and it felt so good.
It felt so very very bad.
In the midst of my crying, I felt my freedom coming,
Because
Yesterday, I cried
...... with an agenda.


I'm at a really good place in my life and while that good place isn't where I want to be, I'm realizing that it never will be and to just embrace that I'm right here, right now for a specific reason. Strength, many times, comes from showing weakness. Some days, no matter how great life is going or what kind of "handle" you think you have on it..there is a cleansing that comes from a good cry and to all the men out there: you should try it.

My blog has been something I have been neglecting... but my journey isn't over. My career is in need of CPR. I'll always have some crazy mommy tales to tell, and wifely tales to tell soon.. so stay tuned. Holla!

7 comments:

黃書豪黃書豪黃書豪 said...

喘口氣,看個文章,謝謝您的格子囉~~............................................................

佳陳容 said...

人類的聰明,並非以經驗為依歸,而是以接受經驗的行程為依歸。..................................................

邱思吳佳順翰 said...

Never hesitate to hold out your hand; never hesitate to accept the outstretched hand of another...................................................................

偉曹琬 said...

不會從失敗中找尋教訓的人,成功之路是遙遠的。.................................................

琬群學葉安高 said...

路過留言支持~~~............................................................

瑰潼 said...

這麼優的部落格,不踩一下不開心..................................................................

明RoseH_Huls中 said...

人生有如洶湧的波濤,如果沒有岩石的阻擋,怎能激起美麗的浪花?.. ... ............................................................