Thursday, March 3, 2011


Sometimes there are things going on in your life that are so deeply personal, that you hesitate to write about them… Those things where you literally pray to God “I do not understand how you could have let this happen” My pastor and friend, when I’ve expressed these feelings, always reassures me by telling me “He can handle it,” and somehow I don’t feel like as bad of a Christian for having these thoughts and/or negotiations with God.

When I found out Jay and I were pregnant, it clearly wasn’t planned. In fact, we were taking measures to prevent pregnancy. So much for 99% effectiveness..I feel like I should wear some sort of name tag that identifies me as the poster child for 1%. Regardless, we struggled with it, prayed about it and as the weeks went on realized what an amazing blessing it was. I think I was still in the process of “accepting” my own pregnancy when my brother called. I was drying Cole off after his bath… “Ash? Guess what…” My brother Chris and his wife Rachel were expecting as well. I screamed with delight.. and immediately told Cole about Uncle Chwis and Aunt Rawchel’s baby before I’d even told him of my own. He was delighted. The weeks went on and I found myself more and more excited that our kids would literally be a month a part in age, with me delivering first.

I received a call from my mother one early Monday morning. Rachel was in the hospital. Her water had broken at 17 weeks. They’d admitted her. Things didn’t look good. The family gathered around them. There was still a strong heartbeat. Our little Drury Baby was hanging on.

After several days, Rachel was sent home and put on bed rest. Weekly appointments with her doctor revealed there was no measurable amniotic fluid, but always a strong steady heart rate. Weeks passed. After the first of the year, at 24 weeks Rachel was admitted to the hospital where she’ll remain until they deliver the baby at 34 weeks at the end of March. There has never been much amniotic fluid, which is crucial for organ development, but most importantly the baby’s lungs. Without amniotic fluid, you can’t really determine the baby’s sex, but the doctors are more and more confident it’s a boy.. A boy to carry on the Drury name as my brother is the last male Drury. No pressure little guy.

Chris and Rachel

My best friend recently helped Chris and Rachel buy their first home by acting as their agent. She immediately dubbed them the “sweetest couple ever” and questioned me about why I wasn’t just as sweet. I affectionately call them the “do gooders” because they have both dedicated their careers to the education/development of children. My brother a junior high English Teacher and Rachel is a Camp Director for the YMCA. They are naturals when it comes to kids and both have looked forward to starting their own family.

I’ve been amazed as I’ve watched them deal with this. Their quiet strength, their Faith, their prayer together for a positive outcome and all of the waiting that comes as the doctors run every imaginable test to determine if your child is going to make it. There’s always been a steady heartbeat and as such Chris and Rachel’s stance has been clear: we won’t give up. My brother’s Faith developed at a much younger age than my own. While I was still questioning, he had already accepted it… But I’m continually humbled at his strength as a husband and father already.

This past Sunday, my Pastor’s sermon hit home. In it he basically said, that often times in a spiritual journey there is a space of non answer and that’s the space in which God creates Faith.. Faith does not mean having answers, it means being willing to live without them…Faith is having the security to be insecure…As my family waits for answers, I found myself comforted.

So to all four of my blog followers: Please pray for Chris, Rachel and their baby. Pray for comfort. Pray for the security to be insecure.

Update: As I wrote this blog on 2/21/11, Samuel was contemplating his arrival. At 2:43am on February 24, 2011 Samuel Jon Drury made his entrance weighing in at 3lbs 15 oz. He remains in the NICU and he’s a fighter…completely worthy of his namesake. He’s doing as well as can be expected and the staff has to keep him sedated. If not, he’s trying to pull the many tubes from his tiny body. God willing, Sam will meet his cousin in the nursery as I’m set to deliver at the same hospital in just a few weeks.