Wednesday, November 12, 2008

How Did I Get Here?

I've had an interesting couple of weeks on the work front. A lot of accusations about me not advising my client of something...threats... me producing valid documentation that I did in fact present the information and gain approval. How did I land in a world where daily I feel like I'm operating in CYA mode... That's "Cover Your Ass " in case you were wondering. I've learned that CYA is just the nature of the business, but I'm still sick of it. Now I'm in "earn the trust back mode" when I never should have lost it? I did my job exactly as I should have.

Growing up I always wanted to be someone who helped people. A nurse, a physical therapist, a psychologist or something? All I help people do now is acquire real estate: at the best possible price, in the most efficient amount of time, and with the least amount of legal or financial exposure. I pondered this as I stared at my laptop and my office covered with Cole pics, with my headset on my head, in my thinking mode (which is sitting Indian style in my office chair with my heels kicked off) did I get here?

I know the answer. A series of events in College that led to the Bank I worked for reimbursing me for a lot of my upper level classes as long as they were business related. I made sure they were. I was a Finance Major with a minor in Real Estate. It came easy to me. It seemed logical. I landed a good job fresh out of college with a great commercial Real Estate firm in Dallas. I'd even say they were the best commercial Real Estate firm in Dallas. I started at the bottom and have worked my way to where I am now. Now I've sort of mommy tracked my career. The next level of advancement would mean less time with Cole and more time traveling and managing people and I'm not willing to make that sacrifice right now. Good thing the economy is in the crapper because I don't really have an opportunity for the next level. It makes me feel less guilty about not being more pro-active in my advancement.

So as I think about the things that led me this really my calling in life? Because I'm good at it and can make an okay living? Or am I missing a world where I would be totally satisfied and fulfilled by my career? Is it God's will for me to be here when all of the steps along the way have been easy or have I missed a greater calling by always doing what's comfortable?

I don't hate my job. Most days I enjoy it and feel like I'm a contributing member of society. I'm also really good at it. But are these things that make a worthwhile career or have I missed the point? OK..I'm turning off the computer and going to bed. I have to bring my "A" game at the office tomorrow. But can someone please tell me what I'm meant to be when I grow up?



NancyJ said...

It took Peter about 15 years and several career moves to discover that there might just be a disconnect between "putting food on the table" and "passion and calling." He finally came to be satisfied to have jobs that had their frustrations but he was generally OK with and that provided a decent living to provide for us as a family...then pour his passion and enthusiasm into other unrelated things in his free time. He (we) always thought they were supposed to be one in the same - but in our case, they never have been. We spent lots of time trying to force Peter's "professional track" to also be the "track of passion"...but that wasn't meant to be for him.

Once we came to grips with understanding this, he's been very content to put in his time doing his best at the office career, GRATEFUL for the provision it gives us to live our lives and pay our bills...then looks forward to those weekend or evenings of delving into his passions.

Some get to have both passion and provision in their profession. For us God worked it differently, and once we clicked with what he was doing, it's worked great for us!

Maybe you're "one of us" and will end up appreciating your job for how it gives you more financial freedom and provision, but find your joy and passion in the time you get to spend being with Cole and family and the wonderful Crosspointians! :-)

Ashley said...

Nancy J you're so awesome. This is why we need you to be one our Wonder Moms for MOPS... so we can pick the brain of the fabulously senior, experienced, super mom. Thanks for the guidance...