Saturday, March 28, 2009

Life is Fragile

Sometimes it is odd what you remember of your childhood. Whenever I went to see my Grandsam there were always certain constants about her home. As soon as I could read I think I remember reading one of the pictures on her wall and it said "Life is Fragile- Handle with Prayer" I asked her what that meant and I still remember her response. She said "Sugar babe it means that life is hard and we need to rely on God" It's the five year old answer I realize..I guess there are so many different ways to look at that saying. But it was always there and as I grew up the meaning changed for me from time to time.

I don't think any of us pause very often to think about the fragility of life. We don't often pause to think how our entire set of circumstances can be changed in an instant. There are days and sometimes weeks that, in reflection, can show this to you.

I picked Cole up last Wednesday afternoon and Chris informed me that one of the single Moms that our church had adopted for Christmas had fallen on even harder times.. with the help of the congregation she was able to help this struggling Mom out. There are days that I feel very unfortunate. It all seems so hard..but the truth is I'm blessed. I have the means to provide for my family.. but when you pause to reflect how quickly that comfort could be taken from you in today's world- it's very humbling to realize I could be the single mom who's fallen on hard times. None of us are immune from the perils of life.. sometimes all there is left to do is pray. Life is Fragile.

Last Friday- Cole had surgery. Fairly minor surgery to take care of testicular issue, but nerve racking for a mom all the same. I found myself a little frustrated at the arrogance of the surgeon. To him it was just another me it was my whole world he was operating on. Cole was a trooper and a great little patient, but I found myself humbled that all it would take is a mistake or two from a surgeon.. Really.. if you think about it.. that's all it could take. Life is Fragile.

It's on these days, that you realize just how human you are... Fortunately, after realizing just how human you get supported by people who love you. Thanks to my friends and family who kept Cole and I fed, sent choo choo cookie bouquets and just kept us company.

I've been on a little bit of a writing hiatus. Frankly, I just haven't had much to say. The creative juices haven't been flowing. BUT my circumstances are about to change and I'm excited... and it will be a new adventure... and I need one. Stay tuned. Holla!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

We're Going Streaking Thru the Quad

I love that scene in Old School. I laugh every time. Boys are just silly. At any age they can still revert to children. My boy is no different I suppose. One of Cole's favorite things to do is run through the house naked. Sometimes I snap a pic or two just for blackmail material when he brings his first girl home... I have to be stealthy about it though... I have to snap the pic and still continue to chase him. It's a difficult maneuver. I stumbled on to this one and just laughed out loud. I thought of Will Farrell in Old School and it's been a rough few weeks for me- so I thought it was good for a laugh. I needed to laugh today.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

More on Joey

Look at this face? Doesn't she look sweet and innocent... Aww Joey.

So I sprung Joey from doggie boot camp a couple of weeks ago. I think it did a lot for her. You might be reading this thinking I've lost my ever loving mind sending my dog to doggie boot camp- but here's my thought process: This is the dog I want Cole to grow up with. I want her to heel, sit, stay, have some manners and be a long term member of the family. It's a process. Joey is doing much better though she's not exactly where I want her to be with her personality- but she's evolving. She wasn't socialized as a puppy. Her fate was to be sold to be bred for her coloring, which is unique, so my coming along was a good thing. Joey won't be expected to have several litters of pups. She'll get to live the cush life at my house. Eventually, she'll get super excited when Cole and I come home- but I think she's still thinking about it for now.

My trainer Dylan at Man's Best Friend say's this about my Joey: Joey knows she's a dog. She likes being a dog. She has to figure out her place in the pack.

Joey has figured a few things out... she likes playing in the back yard. She likes digging little holes for herself and running in circles around the pear tree. She likes to go on runs with me- but gets a little stressed if there are too many cars passing us on the street. She loves the taste of books: To date she's devoured about four. The most recent being Twilight.. which I was most upset about because I hadn't finished it, but thanks to marketing boy a new one showed up on my doorstep a couple of days later. Joey also enjoys shoes and my slippers. Most recently given up in the war was my favorite pair of sock monkey slippers. Which brings me to my favorite aspect of Joey.. Joey the mud wrestler.

My two dogs prior to Joey..were Sophie the Westie who was quite the princess and Tobie the mutt- forever my ex's faithful companion. Neither Sophie or Tobie would go outside if it was raining. To get them to go potty I would generally have to put them on their leashes, get my umbrella, walk outside with them.. and with Sophie I had to go as far as holding the umbrella over her while the squatted.. otherwise she'd look at me like I'd lost my mind. Joey is fine with the rain. She runs right out there and thru the mud to take care of her business. I think she had a mud wrestling contest with her imaginary friend last night.. because she showed back up at my back door looking like she was ready to come in after a successful victory. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen. She happily stands there when I towel her off and wipe her paws.. like she's proud of being gross. She promptly came inside assumed her belly up sleeping position and went to sleep while I cleaned up the latest Joey mess.
Joey's favorite play mate is Dude. Dude is Marketing Boy's dog and Joey is never happier than when he is around. She lays down right beside him and licks his ears. It's really kind of gross- but she just loves Dude. She loves to be in the backyard playing with him... and then I get two, dirty, gross, albeit happy dogs.. and of course they expect to come inside looking all "tow up" too. And I cringe. I cringe at the fact I just cleaned up the house or vacuumed or swept and these two mutts expect to be let inside looking like doggie grooming salon escapees. But they are awfully cute- so I usually open the door.

With Spring, the rain, and the current state of my backyard..mud wrestler Joey will probably be here a while. So I made a small purchase to calm my nerves because I'm a proactive problem solver. I found a good deal on Hoover Floor Mate.. so I bit the bullet (thank you Craigs List). When my mud wrestler trotted in last night after her towel off and still left muddy paw prints I cleaned it up in about two minutes. IT ROCKS! I highly recommend it. It's like Prozac for a neat freak. Joey the mud wrestler has been slow to show her personality- but we're getting there...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Spring Cleaning

It's Spring... or at least it felt like it until I woke up this morning to cold rain. What a dreary day...

So if Spring has sprung-I guess it sort of explains my current contemplative thoughts. I feel like I should be cleaning things up. Cleaning up the mess that the last year left behind. For so long, I was doing good to get up, put one foot in front of the other, and remember ot breath in and out. What a difference a year makes. Now I feel like it is Spring, we're through the first part of the year, Easter is coming.. then Summer.. I feel like I need to get ready. To get my crap together. To open the doors to the closets I've been piling a years worth of crap in.

There feels like there is so much chaos and uncertainty right now. My car is acting crazy again *sigh* but I don't really want to committ to another one right now. My back yard looks like a sand pit from Joey and company running around in it. I have a closet full of baby stuff, maternity clothes, and clothes that no longer fit screaming for me to get rid of them but I just can't seem to find the time. My gate is currently being propped up by my recycling bin and I'm afraid if I actually wheel my recycling bin down my driveway to put it out for collection that my fence will fall over... then my dog will kid will be distraught and I'll have lyrics to a really bad country song.

But here is what really needs to get cleaned up. Cole has seen his Dad a lot more than usual in the last month. He's been waking up asking " I wanna see Daddy" and I don't know how to respond. When I pick him up in the afternoon it's "I wanna see Daddy" and again I don't know what to say. My canned response is "I'm sure you'll see Daddy soon.." and I hope it to be true. There is a part of me that wants to say "W-H-A-T?" It's been Cole & I pretty much from day one.. I've been the one to nurse every illness, to take him to every doctor's appointment, to dress him, to bath him, to plan for his future, and to care for him every day. " I wanna see Daddy" can cut you to the core when this has been your existence. I want to reason with my two year old " What about Mommy?" but that's not rational. I think it's great that Cole is starting to relate to his Dad..but what do you say when you're not exactly sure when he'll see him again? I've swallowed my pride and just started asking if he'd like to take Cole for a little while. It's a lot of work to clean up your own attitude I'm realizing.

It's much easier for me to focus on the things that are falling down around me than to realize I need some cleaning up in my thought process too.. I need to focus on the mess I'll be cleaning up in the future if I don't do everything possible for Cole to spend time with his Dad. So I'm trying to do some Spring Cleaning..starting with me. Maybe next week I'll actually have the courage to put the really full recyling bin out for pick up.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I didn't give it up

So I didn't give up blogging for lent.. I've just been (as my dad would say) busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest...Butter my butt and call me a biscuit it's been a crazy week and a half.

Lucky for me no one I work with knows I blog.. so I can say this. I've been grilled, interrogated, poked and prodded..otherwise known as a job interview. Several for one particular gig in the last week. To me, job interviews are a lot like sitting in a small room with a light in your eyes with people asking you ridiculous questions. There's always a PC way to answer and as I type this blog I'm wondering: Did I answer correctly? Did I act overly interested? Desperate? Not interested enough? Did I look young and stupid? Was my resume okay? My suit? Did I have something in my teeth even though I checked twenty times before I went in to the interview? The best part of this meeting today: I got to size up the competition. Not exactly the way it should be - but I made the short list. It's me and two other candidates.. and we were all being paraded around in front of the client like a big dog and pony show. My question is this: Was I the dog or the pony? I tried to stare the competition down and look all intimidating.. hopefully it worked.

Here's where I'm at. If you know my story- you know that I started with a great real estate firm right out of college. My real estate professor liked that I showed up to class everyday dressed for work and sort of took me under his wing. I guess he liked that I was having to work my way through. He helped me land my first job. He said "get your foot in the door." Getting your foot in the door with a great company is key.. so I did. I started out making next to nothing and worked my way up. Now there is a brick wall (or very mean man depending on your perspective) and I keep running into the damn thing.

In May, I will celebrate 10 years with my company. It's been a good ten years for the most part..but sadly, I'm learning, in today's world loyalty doesn't always have the great return that we think it should have. I've struggled with this. I like being loyal. I like thinking that if I ride out the bad and lean times that there will be an upside and I've found that it just doesn't work that way in the corporate arena. It certainly doesn't work that way now that the boutique firm I started out with has merged with a larger firm that reports to wall street and investors. It changes the dynamics quite a bit.


When I started this blog.. I was one of three. Now I'm it. An offer letter is forthcoming. They have been calling my references. So we'll see. At this point- I've prayed about it. God will take care of me. I threw a fairly big number at them and if they deliver -I'll go. If they don't then I'll keep plodding on along-doing what I do..waiting for the next opportunity. Regardless, with the time change, and all of the craziness last week I'm feeling fairly drained. Life always seems so uncertain.