Sunday, October 26, 2008

I'm drained

I had a crazy weekend. Nothing happened the way it should have. I had concert tickets Friday night to see Ray LaMontagne. He was awesome. He's the kind of artist that can stand there with his guitar and sing. No gimmicks or strobe lighting needed. Just his soulful voice. He gives me chills. What didn't give me chills but rather REALLY annoyed me was tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber aka annoying Highland Park chicks who showed up extremely late and then proceeded to talk to each other and play with their cell phones during the concert. Why bother? Here is this man pouring his heart out singing at the Majestic and these ditzes are twirling their hair, smacking their gum and trying oh so hard to be seen. I saw you and I wasn't impressed. I realize that this isn't a nice statement, but really? Why pay money to ignore an artist and distract those of us who are trying to appreciate the show?

Saturday got all messed up as well. Cole & I had plans to take Nana to lunch for her birthday, and hit Boo at the Zoo later that afternoon...but Nana had an accident (thankfully she's okay) and wasn't up to it and Tobie decided to run away from home Saturday afternoon so I spent the afternoon looking for my Mutt. He was found and is okay. I called the ex to let him know Tobie was missing because he's still a contact for Tobie and listed on all of the vet info., He showed up to help look for Tobie and fixed the fence that fell down. I appreciated the effort. Can't say I appreciated meeting his new girlfriend and her daughter under those circumstances...The timing was just off. While I am happy that he has moved on and only want his happiness. I hadn't prepared myself for such a meeting. Or the "show" that had to happen with Cole, Tobie & I. It felt fake and while I think I manged myself pretty well being polite and offering beverages and making idle small talk..there I was with my ex husband, his new girlfriend, her kid, & Cole trying to figure out what would Emily Post do? It's a little violating for a meeting such as that to happen in my only home. It's over and done. Tobie is back and once again I had to console by boys as they watched the ex get back in his car and drive away..this time with someone else and her child.

While I'm making my own efforts to move on. I just think there's a way to handle things. I won't show up to drop Cole off to see his father with someone else in the car..but I'm still new at this and working on my own boundaries. In my opinion, the ex won't need to know about anyone I'm seeing unless I'm fairly certain that person is going to be around long term. Then I would tell him and let him know that this person is a part of my life and I'd like him to get on board. Other than that, the wounds are still fresh. I'll have a little respect for his feelings. Even when people part ways--why can't there be a continued respect? Have we become so insensitive as people that we can't think about how things might impact another person?

After something like this happens- there is a need to just say "what the heck?" You need a sounding board. Someone who will just listen to you talk through it. It can upset me even though I'm happy for him. It was awkward and draining. My sounding board sounded back with a lot of things I didn't really want to hear at that moment. Things that were hurtful and critical and not needed when I was already drained. The wound was open and salt was poured in.

Thankfully there are other people in my address book that helped me on my way. The good news is I think I now know what my calling is for the book I want to write. Divorce etiquette. I think there's a niche here. More than 50% of us are divorced and we need an Emily Post for the commitment challenged. Right? I think I have my first chapter in the "what not to do section"

Anyway, not a banner weekend. But I got my cup filled back up at church, I'm planning to run five miles (though not well) I've given Cole lots of love and have plans for a relaxing evening ... Once again my friends listened and comforted and another divorce hurdle was crossed I suppose. There really should be a handbook for this crap.


Amanda said...

Wow... You did have a rough weekend! You should be proud of yourself for handling the situation with such maturity. :-)

NancyJ said...

You are a wise woman, mother-of-Cole! WAY TO GO! Maybe YOU should be writing the divorce etiquette book!