Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Everything's Broken

Are all of the broken things in my life symbolic of me as a person? Just kidding with this were starting to worry weren't you? Ashley's sad again here comes another blog post of her going on and on about how broken she is.

Actually everything is broken in my life. My faithful Volkswagen is getting old and becoming not so faithful. I was driving down the highway the other day when across my driver's console flashed "STOP!" (with a loud beep of course) "Brake Failure" Service Manual!" Seriously.. all of that while cruising 70 mph down the highway. That'll make you pee your pants. Of course, the service manual wasn't of any help. Luckily one of my gal pals turned me on to a good mechanic who is honest and tells it like it is. I need new breaks and my pads are the brake fluid got low.. and caused the "STOP you crazy idiot" message from my faithful car. That's what I get for not buying a GM product. My Dad worked for Chevy for 40+ years and until I bought my Volkswagen I'd never driven anything BUT a GM product. Every time I call my Dad about something wrong with my car I can almost hear the snicker in his voice. "Ash you've got 95,000 miles on a Volkswagen...Really?" He says...

So my oven is possessed as well. When cooking anything, depending on my oven's mood, F1 or F2 flashes and it makes this horrible beeping noise. I sometimes get convinced that machines develop a mind of their own..Like my oven is secretly screaming at me.."you want to bake something well F U 1" or "oh, you think you want to broil something well F u 2" Truly the oven is telling me it's okay not to cook. So I called the GE service man and he advised me that my oven is just older than dirt and they don't even make the control panel for it anymore... so it'll cost you $800 for a new oven and have a nice day... Awesome.

That leads me to my roof..(though not currently leaking) got trashed in all the hail storms last spring. The insurance man has been to look at it, cut me a check for my depreciated roof and left me to get bids for a new roof. Why do roofing guys give me the creeps? It's like they all but say they are going to commit insurance fraud with all of their "we'll absorb your deductible" mambo jumbo. Do I look that stupid? Maybe I do, I don't know..but it just puts me in a foul mood to talk to one so I guess I'll wait for it to start actually leaking.

Lets move on to my fence that's falling down... I just need to the wind to blow really hard and I'm sure it'll blow away too. Nice!

Thankfully, my Dad was able to replace the several bricks that had to be removed from the back of my house when Marketing Boy & I tried to fix the water hose hookey up thingy and broke the pipe off in the wall. So that one only set me back a small fortune in after hours plumbing costs...but I totally saved on hiring someone for the masonry work!!

I also have a peculiar wet spot in the middle of my back a pipe burst underground or something and there's a crazy mud pool in the middle of the yard..not near the house or anything. I'm sure a small moat is inevitable.

For the grand finale-my laptop . The piece of crap. I boot up this morning only to get this long "beeeeeepppp" and another stupid blue screen. Luckily a different blue screen than the "blue screen of death" I got when my last laptop crashed. I've backed up all my work.. so lightening can go ahead and strike- let's just hope said lightening strike takes out ALL of the re-imaged laptops in my office. Good grief. Somebody get me a Mac already.

So with all of these broken things in my life.. I really am broke myself. Broke in the financial sense. It's going to be a long, cold, lonely winter with no money for shopping...which reminds me I have to cut a check for my $178.00 speeding ticket before they haul my broke *ss to jail.

Maybe if fix all of these things..I'll feel fixed too. Thank God for coffee and Mommy Juice.