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Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I survived..and I'm thankful

So I survived my first Thanksgiving post divorce. I got down the Christmas tree and the ornaments.. yes they are still sort of scattered around the front half of my house but hey..progress was made. This year is all about new traditions and new memories and so I found myself spending Thanksgiving with Marketing Boy and his family. It's nice to spend time with someone who gets where you are and is okay with it. While I love my family it was hard to explain this concept to them. I tried by just saying " Let me figure out how to get through this first Holiday season. I've always been there and done my part, but this year I need my space." So they rallied and were supportive and Cole and I spent Thanksgiving night with them and stayed through breakfast the following morning.

The Plague
It was shortly after that- when the plague hit us. We'd seen Marketing Boy's kids become stricken and just written it off as food poisoning, but when the plague came knocking on our door it was brutal. Projectile vomit from a two year old cruising down I-35 isn't fun. A Saturday, Sunday & partial Monday spent thinking the end was near wasn't very fun for me either- but I weighed in this morning and the good news is I've made my goal weight loss before the Holiday season. Woo hoo! I found the entire process very cleansing..literally...

The moral of the story is beware people..there is a nasty stomach virus lurching around so keep your homes stocked with Sprite and Ginger Ale and lots of antibacterial cleaning products. You'll thank me when the green monster comes knocking on your door.

Transforming Thoughts
I took last week off to spend some time with the C Monster, catch up with some friends, and just sort of give myself a break. I hadn't had a week off yet this year? So it was good. A lot of soul searching. A lot of thinking and a few moments of giving myself permission to not be okay. Will came to collect Tobie, which was painful. He chose not to see his son during the Holiday,which was also painful, but here's where I am at: It's not my fault and there's nothing I can do about it other than what I've already done and that's surround my son with the best possible people I can. No, his Dad chose not to see him, but I had friends who did want to see him and by Wednesday the Wahlstedts were in Cole withdrawal and needed to have lunch to get a Cole fix. I'm lucky. Cole is a lucky boy. Sometimes we have to get over the fact that love and support doesn't come from the people we think it should. I'm learning to accept it where I find it and to quit asking questions or having expectations.

I stumbled into Church on Sunday a little late, and too stubborn to admit I was still feeling sick and heard the message. It was a good one about accepting that where we are on our Soul Journey is exactly where we should be. To accept the twists and turns, the delays, and the shortcomings because at the end, the divine detour of life sometimes leads to a divine appointment. I pondered this while trying not to hurl: this year has felt like I've done nothing but Crazy 8's in my journey... but here I am.. apparently exactly where I should be. I remembered that this time last year I had given myself a very real timeline for determining my next step in life. Stay in my marriage or walk away. Look how far I've come? It's been painful and hard, but I'm exactly where I should be and what if this Divine detour or delay is leading me to something great?

I've gotten past the plague and this morning I woke up tired, but I think I've shaken off feeling blue. There are 29 days left in 2008....I'm going to enjoy the Holiday season and be thankful. I find myself thinking 2009 has got to be good to me.

3 comments:

Cathy H said...

You have to introduce us to the cast of characters. Who is "Marketing Boy?"

NancyJ said...

Wow, aren't you Little Miss Healthy! Good for you! I can't help but notice the obvious analogy to you having violent "cleansing" at this point in your "journey." Maybe not just your "physical yuckies" are out and cleansed, but your spiritual/emotional ones too! Maybe more is now cleansed than just your GI tract! Sounds like it! You sound great!

Ashley said...

Yes Nancy J I feel extremely cleansed...emotionally and of course the GI tract as well. Think I might need to eat some Taco Bell to cloud things back up again...

Cathy- as for Marketing Boy..look for a future blog post. Or check out his blog..http://sideshowjay.blogspot.com/