Monday, February 9, 2009

I'm feeling fairly spastic

Yes, I'm feeling fairly spastic. I'm taking a break from presentation preparation overload at the office. I've been chained to the desk/puter most of the day. I feel fried.

It's just been a crazy sort of couple of weeks. I've sent the Joey dog to Man's best Friend which is the equivalent of Doggy Boot Camp. I just can't get this dog to come out of her shell. She's afraid of her own shadow, and I'm so glad I rescued her from being bred. Even though she's shy, scared, and never acts particularly happy to see me- I can't give up on her and I miss her. We're all broken. Joey too. I sympathesize because she's lacking self confidence- something that hits fairly close to home. People don't give up on me-so I'll do what I have to with Joey.

I've been fighting off a cold and knee problems all coming dangerously close to my big 1/2 marathon next Sunday. It has messed with my training schedule- but I hauled myself to the after hours clinic of my dr's office yesterday- told the doctor my woes and that I would be running next Sunday so please pass the drugs. She made me take a flu test which was horribly violating. This obnoxiously long q-tip shoved up your nose. I'm fairly confident she scrapped out some brian cells as well. I needed those. The flu test was negative so that meant I could have a steroid shot if I wanted one. I usually opt for ANYTHING that doesn't involve a needle- but I thought about all those miles I'd run, the race and dropped my drawers and got a shot in the right cheek. Awesome.

I made the mistake of asking Cole's Dad if he wanted to keep him while I was out of town next weekend. I don't know why I'm surprised... and I would have worried about him, but he's the Dad. He should share in the care and my role as a mother to promote a father son relationship anyway I can. So I asked..prepared myself for the answer and shouldn't be surprised that he had plans. Clearly this blog post won't ever be shared with Cole. There's really only one person who's missing out, but it breaks my heart all the same. I'll never understand it. Sometimes I just need to feel it rather than internalizing it.

So really this race next Sunday will be about overcoming aversity for me. Overcoming not really having a lot of successful long runs. Overcoming my knees and the pseudo cold. Overcoming not really having anyone to help with Cole (other than the amazing Wahlstedt's) and getting out there and doing it. It's really all any of us can do.

One of my dearest friends is wading her way through heartache right now. It hurts my heart to watch her feel it. I know of several amazing ladies having to deal with elderly parents and what the role reversal of becoming the parent rather than the child does to your sense of self. I hear of people losing their jobs in hard economic times, or not being able to move on and drowning in bitterness. What a complicated world we live in. No wonder I feel spastic. We all do.

All we can do sometimes is remember to breath in and out. Pray. Seek out friends and family to comfort us and face adversity the only way we can. One breath, one step, one day at a time.

Or if you're into self pain- have some shove an obnoxiously long q-tip up your nose. That will snap you out of it. Back to the presentation for me. Holla!


Cathy H said...

The Wahlstedt's really are amazing. And if you think about it "Amazing Wahlstedts" would look good in a circus type font. Don't ya think?