Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Today is Ash Wednesday. The beginning of the Lenten season. It is customary to give up something for the season of Lent to be reminded of the sacrifice that was made for us. My pastor suggested that I should think about giving up blogging..while I marinate on that sacrifice and decide if that's something I should do..this could be my last blog for a while... or not. I could just give up mommy juice. Coffee isn't an option if we're thinking about the well being of those who love there you have it.

I've found myself reflecting a little this week. I vowed not to look back on 2008 in my first blog of 2009.. but this is me we're talking about.

Cole spent the day and night with his Dad this past weekend. A first sleepover since the split. I talked about it all week so he'd be excited. I kept telling him that Saturday he was going to spend the night with his Daddy and Tobie and it would be so much fun. Meanwhile I had a ball of fear wallowing around in my stomach. It truly made me a nervous wreck to think about it. Luckily, Saturday I had plans to shop and have lunch with the girl friends and Saturday night I had plans to take Marketing Boy to dinner for his birthday.. all good distractions. I called to check on him before bed and he seemed happy enough... So I made it through the night without too much fear or worry.

I've always joked about divorce ettiquette. I've tried so hard not to speak badly about Cole's Dad. Because honestly, we had some good years... In my heart I know Will is a good guy, it was just clear that we didn't want the same things for Cole or for the family. We weren't on the same page. It's sad and tragic, but we were never truly partners. However, without those years I wouldn't have Cole and I'll always be glad that Will and I had Cole.

As I reflect over the past was about this time last year that I knew it was over. The decision was made.. steps were taken. The past year has been hard because Will has been so very angry with me and he let me know it.. It felt like every chance he got. I am proud to say that I never waivered. I didn't indulge in the verbal assaults (at least to him- girlfriends, friends and family don't count right?).. I vowed to take the high road and trust me there were times when all I wanted to do was go postal. To just lay it all out there and lash into him for all of the hurt..for all the years of indifference.. ..but I refrained. He had to work through it at his own pace as well.

The past few times Will and I have talked.. I would say it's been pleasant. It doesn't feel like he's angry at me anymore. We coordinate the details and are cordial. He seems happier and I'm relieved. I think he finally realizes that it was for the best. He's moved on and he seems content in his new relationship. I wanted that for him. I prayed for it for him, so I'm thankful.

After the Daddy sleepover this weekend.. we were missing a binky. I texted Will to see if he had it. He replied that he did and told me what a great job I was doing with Cole. There were times that I never thought we'd get here..but that's what I call progress.