Sunday, February 1, 2009

Thoughts on Being Mommy

The great thing about the crappy weather last week and Cole being extremely overdue for his 2yr vaccinations is I had an excuse to spend some time with Bubba. Yes- I affectionately call Cole -Bubba. Spend any amount of time with him and you'll see that it fits.

Most girls dream about weddings and perfect houses and perfect husbands and all that crap- but for me I wanted to be a Mom. And I am. Being a single, working mother challenges me daily in ways I never thought possible. I am nearly certain that my head can spin around while still attached to my body when Cole is being particularly demanding, but I never get more agitated than when work infringes on my time with Cole or at home...

There are times that I wish I could have just a guilt free moment to myself that didn't occur at 12am when I stay up too late catching up on TiVo. Honestly, there are days that I just tell God "I can't handle one more thing.." and I get a little angry at my situation. The reality is He never gives us more than we can handle and that's generally when Cole will come around the corner with a bag of cookies and say "Mommy I want this nok.." or "No Mommy I don't" or shout "M O M M Y" even though I've only stepped into the next room. Then there's "Mommy I watch Monkey George" and he starts his galloping/dancing routine when the music comes on...My favorite is still when I say "I love you Cole" and he says "I juve you Mommy" and buries his head for a hug. That's what makes my world go round.
I think having kids teaches us to be less selfish. To love unconditionally. To realize you're stronger and can do more than you ever thought imaginable if it means providing for or taking care of your child. I think about how much I love Cole and then reflect on the fact that God loves me infinitely more and I find a little peace.

I find myself a little nervous. I'm going to have to take Cole to see a pediatric urologist and surgery is in our future. My little man seems so little to have surgery. Any surgery has a risk and I'm worried. He's my baby and I don't know what I'd do if anything were to happen to him. If only these Doctors knew the grilling they had in store. I can be particularly obnoxious when it comes to Cole. Shocking I know.

So one day when I pick and choose blog posts where I don't curse or complain and that pertain to Cole for his Baby Memoires. Here's one for the book. Cole I'll never say being your Mom was easy- but I've loved it and it has changed me in ways I never thought possible. So we'll take you to a couple of pediatric specialists and pick the best of the bunch. We'll handle this too.